Abuse Is the New Black

What do these people, because I'm reluctant to call them men, have in common?
Well, I guess you'll have to read my thingy.
(Lucious pic from here, Jake pic from here, Christian Grey pic from here, and edit by me)

Trigger Warning: Abusive relationships.
(Nothing against the actors, BTW)

Guess who's back? No, not Backstreet. It's never Backstreet.

I've been watching television. Shocker, amiright? But lately I've noticed a trend amongst some of the male characters. If you've had eyeballs in the past few months, you probably know at least one of these suck merchants. If not, let me introduce you.

Empire's Lucious Lyon. Abusive. 
Mysteries of Laura's Jake Broderick. Abusive.
50 Shades' Christian Grey. Abusive.

Let's start from the top of the list.

Nobody is nominating Lucious Lyon for father of the year, but where are the repercussions for his abusive behavior? For his cheating, pitting his sons against each other, murder, and blatant homophobia? He put his kid in a trash can. Repeat: he put his sweet, defenseless little boy in a trash can. He shot a man in the face in cold blood. He lies, manipulates, and belittles the people around him to get what he wants. In what world is that any level of okay? Not this one. Yeah, he's a businessman, blah blah blah. But emotionally scaring the people you love is not justified just because you've built a successful empire. He's a flawed character, interesting to watch, but at least the writers and show are up front about his flaws and abusive nature. How he'll deal with the consequences of those actions remains to be seen.

Jake Broderick, on the other hand, is painted in a very endearing light for what he really is: narcissistic, manipulative, and a cheater. But the show is all about star crossed lovers Captain Jake and Detective Laura, their lost love, and the sparkly spark that yet shines betwixt them. You know why? Because he's the father of her children. That person is always going to hold a special place in your heart. But if you really watch what's going on, it's clear that Jake has no respect for Laura's boundaries, privacy, or her other relationships. Unfortunately the writers portray this as cute and charming, ignoring the fact that his behavior is abusive, particularly since he is in a position of power over her. Jake Broderick gets my vote as the worst abuser on this list because his abuse is written as "cute," and "acceptable" and is, consequently, more insidious. 

It's kinda established that Christian Grey is an abusive buttmonkey. And I'm not talking about the BDSM: I'm talking about his abuse of power in a his relationship with what's-her-face. Where's the education, the explanation of what "safe, sane and consensual" means? I wouldn't just stumble into my fancy-sexy-boss-man-person's room devoted to radioactive monkey science and just do it. You've got to know what you're getting yourself into before you start with the radioactive monkey sciences. He took a young, impressionable, naive girl and pushed her into the deep end of a world she had only ever heard of. Yeah, yeah, fantasy, blah, blah. Abuse is still abuse.

I'm not going to stop watching Empire or Mysteries of Laura. It's good television. So is Hannibal. That doesn't mean we should eat people, and it doesn't mean that abuse is okay. We just need to acknowledge that the things that they are doing are not good, acceptable, or by any means ideal.

Abuse is an ongoing issue in our world. It's a sad truth, but it's the way it is. And until we can get to a place where we stop romanticizing abuse and abusers, it's going to say that way.

How To Be Stupid: BBC Sherlock Edition

In this post I'm gonna get ranty and mad and probably say things like the ever popular "couldn't run a whelk stand." Be forewarned.

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This thing. Right here. Look at it. Like really. This post won't make any sense if you don't read it.  *Clicky Clicky*

Now. On the surface, this may seem like this best idea ever.

Sliced bread can suck it.

I have come to the realization, however, that this is a horrible idea and I apologize to sliced bread for anything that I or my fanling peers may have said to hurt its feelings.


Moffat and Gatiss are not the people who control when Sherlock airs. There's hair and make-up,  actors, directors, producers, sets, lighting and sound, wardrobe, cameramen, and a whole bunch of other BBC Sherlock assorted production monkeys who have to get their collective craps together before we can have new Sherlock.

And I think the idea is stupid really. What good will it do? Are we just to sit twiddling our thumbs while the rest of the world flips over the Watson-Mini? It deprives us of one of the greatest things the fandom world has ever known: new content freakout.

And I'm not saying that Moffat and Gatiss aren't the cause of much torment in my life. My hobbies include writing, fangirling, cats in cups, and doing this for hours on end:

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But that's the writing. Ya know, what writers actually do.

It's not just Mark and Steven sitting in a basement plotting ways to make you feel bad for a year and a half. That's only on Wednesdays.

And I'm not even saying this is all the Fandom all the time. We all have our moments. I once thought I should dress up as the superhero The Non-Crazy Cat Lady and go about picking up cats and putting them all in a cat habitat in our back yard. See? We all have stupid ideas. It's when they go widespread that it becomes an issue. I have 3 yards of superhero cat fabric and a cat-mask to prove it.

This whole idea is flawed to its core.

Best case: We annoy the people that give us a wonderful show.
Worse case: They pull the show because they think we don't love it anymore.
Worst case: Dead. Worst case always dead.

"Thank you for writing a devastatingly wonderful show. We were gonna make you a card, but instead WE MADE YOU A HIATUS I HOPE YOU HATE IT."

I love the Fandoms but--gah. Sometimes I don't think they could run a whelk stand in Whelkville at the height of whelking season. I mean, really? I know most of the Fandoms proudly have the collective maturity of six-year-olds on a sugar high, but really?

I'll be in the bunker with Dan and the crumpets if you need me.

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Chuck Appreciation Post #ChuckRidesAgain

***SPOILERS FOR SUPERNATURAL'S 200th EP***

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If you live in or near the southeast, I would like to apologize for all the manic laughter and "I KNEW IT!"'s you likely heard during the past half hour. That was me. Sorry.

By the by, I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT.

I never wanted to believe Chuck was gone.

Were there doubters? Yes. People saying he had to be dead because of Kevin? Yes. Did I ever lose hope? Yes. That was about 15 minutes after they said he died. But then I did what I do best: hope, deny, and come up with elaborately unreal ways that what I wanted could have happened.

Who wants to carve this into the side of a church? No takers? Really?
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And look where I am now. Full of Chuck. This is what happens when you hope, children.

I love Chuck. He's so... Chuck. There aren't words. I am nominating him for the role of Patron Saint Of People Who Sit Around In Their Underwear All Day While They Write.  As there is a Patron Saint of Bathroom Breaks, I think it's reasonable. As I don't know the pope and am not Catholic, this may take a while. So, if you know the pope and/or are Catholic, drop him an e-mail for me, would ya? Thanks sweets. I might be the only one to ever... What do you even do with saints? Shine the saint signal? Saint dance?

I digress.

Chuck is fantastic. For many reasons. One of which is that he followed his passion/the voices in his head. Even when the publisher dropped him, he continued.

With some people, they write because they want to. With others *cough* me and Chuck *cough* we write because we need to. It's a need. Not a fleeting desire. I will always write. And so will Chuck. And that is one of the many reason why I love him. Viva la Chuck. See you soon, boo.

Doctor Who Headcanon, Involving Face Caterpillars

(11 pic from here, 12 pic from here, edit by me.)

I have a theory. A headcanon. A possible occurrence of events that may or may not have happened. A thing I thought up, basically.

After having such a young doctor, the writers chose an older, more mature, less bowtie-y doctor for the next regeneration. Twelve has the things that 11 didn't. In that same respect, 11 had things that 12 doesn't (so far).

Eleven was always kissing people. Twelve isn't even a hugger.

I found it very hard to take 11 seriously, as he was always the guy in the fez. Twelve demands we take him seriously from the start by asking us to figure out if the robot guy jumped or was pushed.

Twelve is clearly a man, while 11 always remained a goofy, little boy.

Twelve has some wicked eyebrows. Eleven has none. *see pic above*

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Yeah. I know you probably started reading this with the expectation of a brill headcanon, with some unseen connection between 11 and 12. But no. It's about the eyebrows, and what they represent. Twelve is being all the things 11 wasn't. And that's nothing against 11: it's just not who he is. And I think in a way that happens with all the doctors. I can't speak for the classic series, but...

Nine was very serious: Ten could let go.
Ten had his demons: Eleven was happy 99.9 % of the time.
Eleven was terminally joyful: Twelve seems to be more serious. 

The eyebrows are more than face caterpillars. They represent something larger: the fundamental change from doctor to doctor. The give and take from regeneration to regeneration. How they can be the same person, and oh so diffrent.

Also, face caterpillars. I want to pet them.

Jarsen, The Fandom Panda, Rants

Jarsen flips over when he's angry.
(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

This morning I woke up to panda yodeling. And as you know, Fandom Pandas only yodel when they're very upset.

I galloped to Jarsen's room to see what was the matter. And there poor Jarsen was, just yodeling his little heart out. It was pitiful really.

I said to Jarsen, "Jarsen? What's the matter, sweetness? Did Moffat get you again?"

Jarsen said, "No. I'm just very mad. I was just thinking about animals in the Fandoms. Or rather lack thereof. I mean really. There's the cat-people from Doctor Who, but there cat-people. They hardly count as straight up animals. There's a dog in Supernatural every now and again, but they're plot tools, not characters. There was that hairless cat in Sherlock, and just no. Redbeard is lovely, but he was just a memory. And the only panda I know of is the panda picture in Mike's apartment on Suits. It just makes me mad. I could just yodel."

I said, "Well, I have my post about you today. I could make it a call to action. If you like."

And Jarsen said, "I would love that."

Then I said, "Ok. What do you want for breakfast?"

And he said, "Waffles please. And can we have bamboo bacon?"

And I sai--Nevermind, BACK TO TOPIC.

So, anyway, this is the call to action.  If you know the writers of a TV show urge them to write in more animals. If you write fan-fic, I urge you to add someone fuzzy. If you are fan-art-ly gifted, I urge you to include non-homosapiens in your images. Hear my plea, Fanlings. Please, for Jarsen's sake. And if not for him, for me. I can't bear the yodeling.

My Feels Through GIFS: The Supernatural Season 9 Finale

I've been preparing for the finale.

Really I've just been all:

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The whole week before I'd been singing, and I quote:

"CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON
THERE'LL BE NO PEACE WHEN THIS EP IS DONE
LAY MY WEARY HEAD TO REST
THEN I'LL CRY SOME MORE"

And going into it I was all:

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About 20 minutes in I was all:

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By the end I was all:

The pocket edition I see.
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And:

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And until season 10(!) comes I'll be all:

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But right now I'm still all:

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I'll do a full post when I'm a little less:

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'Cause right now I wanna find Jeremy Carver and Eric Kripke and be all:

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Vatican Cameos!! (What It Means)

"Battle stations. Someone's going to die."
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FIRST ORDER OF FANLING-BUSINESS: The giveaway still has a few hours left, so if you haven't entered for the Sherlock poster, now's your last chance.

SECOND: The origin of “Vatican Cameos” is kinda confusing.

Some say that in WWII the phrase “Vatican Cameos” was used when a person who wasn't in the British Army came before a General or other high-ranking officer as a signal that the person in question was armed. It’s a code Sherlock knew John would know, being a soldier and all.

Others say that "Vatican Cameos" is a reference to an unknown case Sir Arthur Conan Doyle briefly mentioned during The Hound of the Baskervilles. The quote sayth:

"I was exceedingly preoccupied by that little affair of the Vatican cameos, and in my anxiety to oblige the Pope I lost touch with several interesting English cases."

Interestingly, it's also been said that those who used the phrase in WWII picked it up from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Either way, it's one of those things that Mofftiss (Moffat/Gatiss) put in for the hard-core fans.

And I know we're tripping over ourselves trying to figure it out and Mofftiss is just siting in their dungeon laughing. 

Kinda like this, yeah.
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THIRD: I need to know what you want me to write about. I could write the best post in the world about... Pandas. But if you don't care 'bout Pandas, it doesn't matter. So make like the "Spice Girls" and tell me what you want, what you really, really want. (Also people who comment "Zig a-Zig ah" will be high-5ed and slapped.)

So Long And Thanks For All The Feels: HIMYM

**SPOILERS**

So first off:  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Y'all know I feel strongly about HIMYM.

Right now I'm hating Carter Bays and Craig Thomas. I love HIMYM, but I hate what they did to it. There are two kinds of artists in this world: the Van Gogh's and the "insert name of milquetoast boy band du jour"s. One is driven by a passionate need for artistic expression independent of an audience, and the other is driven by a passionate need for an audience independent of artistic expression. I think most artists, certainly those who write for television, aim for somewhere in the middle.

Carter Bays and Craig Thomas crapped on nine years of storytelling so they could stick with their original plan. In the years that came between the pilot and the finale, they forget they were working for us, the fans. They forget that maybe over the course of nine years they could become better writers, better storytellers, and come up with a finale that married their original vision, their expanded vision and skill, and respected the people who paid their salaries for nine years. It's not like you have to like the finale of every series, any more than you have to like the ending of every book or movie. But however these works end, the end should respect the audience and not make them feel like they were the butt of a nine year practical joke. "Guess what? Obsession matters more than true love after all!"


I know some people were happy with the end, some people were rooting for Ted-Robin and are clapping themselves on the back saying they knew it all along. I am not one of those people.

In true Ted Mosby style, a pros-and-cons list regarding the finale.

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Pros:
"In the gang for good"
That moment. Quintessential Lily. The accepting, loving mother to, like, everyone. And in one sentence she captured the entire gang's ethos: No mater what you do, you will be loved and accepted.

The "High Infinity"
Was it just me or was that so them? The want to have the last thing be the best one ever.

The lady on the bench
"Just be cool, Lady. Damn."


Ted blowing off a job for a girl
That was so Ted. The hopeless romantic-ness of it all.

Breaking the "3-days" rule
They did a good-ish job tying up loose ends and making things line up. The 3-Days rule, the bet between Lily and Marshal that Ted would marry Robin, the yellow umbrella, etc.

That Lily knows it's different
We've waited nine seasons: IT BETTA BE DIFFERENT. So perfect.

That the Mother is basically girl-Ted
The ren-fest. The "One more and I'll believe you." She's Ted with boobs.

Barney's blog is a thing 
I wonder what Doogie Howser would think of the boner-joke-of-the-day.

Last appearances of old favorites
Oh, hello there cockamouse, Hanging Chad, Murder Train, Not A Father's Day, and Robots-Vs-Wrestlers.

The Play Book Two, Electric-Bang-A-Loo
I don't even need to say anything.

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The whole Baby thing
I cried. NPH is an amazing actor. He just looked so emotional. And when he said,

 "You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever."

Gah. #CryAllTheTears. And the way he changed too. It was lovely. And when he told those girls to get their lives together and call their parents: beautiful. And his last line. "Daddy's Home." It was my favorite part.

Their last picture together
It matched the first one in the opening credits almost perfectly.

That the kids called Ted on his crap
"Oh, yeah. He's telling us the story of how much he loves Aunt Robin with 'our Mother' undertones. Seems legit."

Cons:

Legen--wait for it--
They missed a huge opportunity to give one of the show's signature catchphrases a place of honor. I would have been happy if the last line of the show has been "Legen--wait for it--" and then the screen faded to black. 

That the Mother tells Ted she's pregnant in a bar
Granted the bar is a big deal but, still.  She's a hopeless romantic like Ted. They were renting a castle.  And she's all, "My dress ain't gon fit in September."

The split of Barney and Robin
 HIMYM didn't shy away from big issues, like death or infertility. So maybe they were trying to "be real" when they split up Barney and Robin. But at the same time, they could have ridden off into the sunset together. I think they split them up only so that Robin would be single. Then again, baby Ellie completed Barney in a way that nothing else ever had; she made him whole when Robin didn't, and if they had stayed together, Barney may never have become a father. So maybe their splitting up was, ultimately, OK. She didn't deserve Daddy Barney anyway.

Robin's bitterness
I'm just not happy with Robin. She was awful to all her "friends." Not to mention that horrible hair cut she was sporting at the end. When she broke up with Barney the first time, she stayed friends with everyone. When she broke up with Ted, she stayed friends with all of them. That she couldn't stay friends with everyone after breaking up with Barney speaks to just how deep her connection with Barney really was, and how it should not have been so blithely tossed aside.


Killling the Mother

Made by me, driven by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas

They shouldn't have killed off the mother. The point of the show was meeting the Mother. The Mother. Out of the entire last season, the Mother had the equivalent of less than one episode with Ted. Then wham--hospital bed. No death. No funeral or wake. No sad Ted, no sad kids. Nothing. We've been waiting for her for 9 years--9 years!--and she's a footnote in the whole Ted-Robin will-they-won't-they dance.

Lily as Incubator
We got to see Ted succeed as an architect, Marshall as a judge (Fudge Supreme!), Barney as a blogger, and Robin as an internationally known news anchor. All we saw of Lily's life was that she had another child after Daisy. 



I've read a number of posts about the HIMYM finale. Here are links to the two that I've liked the best. YMMV.

From Terribleminds: The HIMYM Finale: Or, "How An Audience Gets a Fist to the Crotch" (F*bomb warning)

E!: In Defense of the HIMYM Finale

SuperWhoLock vs. The Hiatus

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There was no new Supernatural this week.

I repeat: No. New. Supernatural.

Supernatural is the glue that holds SuperWhoLock together, what with its regular seasons and lack of Moffat. Without Supernatural we're a episodeless mass of hopeless fanpeople. Or maybe that's just me.

What am I supposed to do with my life?

Which raises the question, what do you do with your life when there are no new episodes? Binge watch reruns? Read fanfic? Write fanfic?
Read amazing blogs about SuperWhoLock? All four simultaneously, you say?


Some weird people (aka my mom) just wait for the next episode. No. Nein. Nopeskerdoodles, Captain Normal. Ain't happenin'.

These, these people--directors, actors and Kripkes--with their personal lives--gah! No personal life for you!

I digress. The point of this post is, what do you do when your shows/life are lost in the marvelous wilderness? Every week is a mini-wilderness year. I am not Sam Winchester. I am not "fine."

Moffat: A Love/Hate Story

Someone curses Moffat every 28 seconds.

Feels are really Moffat's "cup of tea." (Yes, I went there.)

"Curse you, Moffat!"

See? It just happened again.

Someone (me) once said:

"The pen is mightier than the sword; with a sword you can kill someone, but with a pen you can write them a magnificent death scene." 

And that's the way I feel about Moffat. He builds up these people and brings them down in the most glorious ways. He breaks them, and mends them, and does it all over again. And the hard truth is without Moffat, Gatiss, Davies, Whedon, and Kripke, the Fandoms would crumble. You saw what happened to the Sherlock Fandom whilst on hiatus. What would happen if--

Oh, I can't even. So thank you Moffat, for everything. For the never-ending cascade of feels, to the amazing quotes. You have given us the most wonderful characters and brilliant villains. And most of all, thank you for making our hearts wibbly-wobbly, every timey-wimey.