The Jarsen The Fandom Panda Christmas Speical

Telling me where to put all those ornaments is hard work.
(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

I have no idea what happened to the Sunday post. I wrote it, mum edited it, I had it set up for automatic posting... and it... Broken. Internet was broken. And I was out of town, so whoopsie.  I'll save it for next year. 

Anyway, IT'S THE JARSEN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!!! *panda yodel of happiness*

Jarsen is currently taking a nap after decorating the tree (pictured). Personally, I feel like I'm cheating on Thanksgiving with Christmas. We still have turkey in our fridge. It's just not right.

As you may know, Jarsen has a certain fondness for Christmas.

It might be because of the cookies.  

And listening to Billy Joel's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas on a loop.

And the cake.

Most likely the cake. Jarsen is one of the few pandas who likes food other than bamboo. That is a rarity among the panda community. As are hats. Jarsen is just special. 

What's been going on with Jarsen you ask? Well, lately he's been working with the Department of Bird Rehabilitation to start a Christmas program among the inmates. 

(BTW, if anyone knows where we can get 5000 six-inch tall bird seed Christmas trees for 25 bucks and a peanut butter sandwich, that'd be great.)

Can of Worms, Now with Convenient Pop-Top: Elementary vs. BBC Sherlock

(Source)

Something has been bugging me lately.

I keep seeing BBC Sherlock fans dissing Elementary.


Now everyone has the right to their opinion; it's when you're nasty about it that makes me mad.

One of the nice things about the fandoms is that you can love what you love without being judged.

The Sherlocks from BBC and Elementary live in two very different worlds. And so do the Fans. So can we please stop building a rainbow bridge over to the Elementary fandom for the sole purpose of slapping those fans in the face?

BBC Sherlock is a powerful fandom. And with great power, comes great arsewad-ness if you're not careful. Why are we treating fans in another fandom badly because we just happen to share the main character both shows are based off of? If anything, we should be closer to them.

I think we need to make like kindergarten kids and share (naps and cookies optional, but encouraged). The world can have two Sherlocks.

You can love the BBC and the CBS Sherlock. They aren't mutually exclusive unless we make them so. I think the more smart-sexy men we have on TV, the better. I would rather live in a world where the shows of choice involve housekeepers, tea, and tall buildings rather than baby-daddies, STDs, and the coast of New Jersey. 

That's how I feel. Sue me.

In other Fanling news, the Jarsen posts have been rescheduled for the end of every quarter. And starting this Sunday, we start FORMIDULOSUS Sundays, which is Latin for scary. We'll talk about the scariest baddies of SuperWhoLock. Is it not FORMIDULOSUS?

Jarsen the Fandom Panda and the Neon Volvo

(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

As you may remember from last month's Jarsen post, I promised you the 14 squirrels, pint of ice cream, and neon Volvo story. Well, good things come to those who wait. And you waited. So here: it's a good thing. (If Martha Stewart beats me up with her rolling pin, I blame you.)

So Jarsen wanted ice cream. And not just any ice cream, but bamboo cheesecake ice cream. At 4 in the morning. So instead of waiting for morning to tell his mother he wanted some bamboo cheesecake-y goodness, he Googled the nearest carrier and grabbed/stole the car keys and made a voyage out.

After driving for about five minutes, Jarsen came across a squirrel lying in the middle of the road. (AAAAaaaaaAaand before you flip, nobody dies in this story.) And being a nice and considerate panda, Jarsen got out to check on the little fella.

"Mister? Are you okay?" Jarsen asked.

"Just leave me here to die!" lamented the squirrel.

"I can't do that," Jarsen said. "As a member of the fandoms and the blogging community, it would reflect badly on my peers. And, dying is bad. Can you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Well," said the squirrel, "my love, my fiancee, my confidante Marie has left me for another. She leaves with Jacques on the red-eye to France tonight. I can't bear it--no offense, panda man--so I'm ending my life. How could I, a mere squirrel from the city, compare to Frenchy McFrenchers with his suaveness and squirrel-stache."

"Listen," Jarsen said. " I don't know you. I don't know Marie. I don't know your relationship. But I know a good 'ship when I see it. And this is some Hugh Grant level romantic torment going on right here. And if I can't stand by Hugh Grant, who can I stand by? I declare it a ship. And I shan't sit idly by while it sinks. Come with me mister squirrel."

After geting in the car--and fastening their seat belts, I have been informed--the squirrel told Jarsen what happend.

Irving, our squirrel, and Marie where squirrelschool sweethearts. Irving has a job in town as an acorn harvester, while Marie is a fashion designer. Marie got an internship in France, where she met Jacques. Jacques fell in love with Marie, and even though she did not respond to his overtures, she felt deeply for him too. When Irving and Marie had a falling out, she called Jacques, distraught, but not expecting him to do more than listen. Instead, he made a grand gesture: he flew over in his private jet to woo Marie. Very grand, huh? Marie was so moved by this, that after he arrived, she gave in and left Irving a note that read:

"The heart wants what the heart wants. And it doesn't want you. I'm leaving with Jacques on the 5 am red-eye to France. Don't follow me. Goodbye, Irving."

So they had to follow her, obvs.

After like, 20 seconds, Jarsen noticed the car being tailed. By a neon yellow Volvo. Not very inconspicuous, making it the perfect tailing vehicle. Not hidden in plain sight and all that. So after a mile or so, Jarsen started to speed up, slow down, and do all the driving stuff he learned watching Taxi Brooklyn. They arrived at the squirrelport with the neon yellow Volvo still hot on their heels, or wheels if you must. With no time to waste, Irving and Jarsen hopped out of the car to find Marie. But as they did, 12 squirrels jumped out of the neon yellow Volvo (because I don't think you can see "neon yellow Volvo" enough). These were mean looking squirrels. They had biker jackets and nose rings and crap like that, and as Jarsen and Irving ran to find Marie, the mean-looking, biker-jacket-and-nose-ring-wearing squirrels chased them. Wind rushing through their fur, Jarsen and Irving ran for their lives: you don't know what a motivated biker squirrel can do to a panda. They rounded a corner to find Marie and Jacques preparing to board the plane.

"Stop!" Irving shouted over the roar of the engine. "Marie! I love you! You can't go! I'll do whatever you need. I've loved you since the day we met. If you need me to support your dreams more, I will. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you with me. You're my heart and soul. You're my life, Marie. And I know I have issues, but you could always look past them," he said taking her hands in his. "I love you Marie. And don't let this French poseur mess up a great thing. I love you and there's nothing else to say. And if that's not enough..." he trailed off like the trickle of tears rolling down his face.

"Irving...Jacques...," Marie said, "I can't do this. With either of you. I need some time to figure out who I am before I can know who I want to be with. I'm sorry. To both of you--I truly am. I just can't right now. " And with that, she picked up her squirrelcase and walked away.

Jacques and Irving look at each other. Jarsen looked at them. The biker squirrels looked at their toes.

"Tough luck man," said the lead biker squirrel. "You win some, you lose some."

"By the way, what are you guys doing here?" Jarsen asked the lead biker squirrel. "Who sent you and why were you following us?"

"Oh, yeah," lead biker squirrel said, pulling a flyer out from his jacket. "We're the 'Squirrels of Our Lord and Perpetual Redeemer Mission Club.' We wanted to talk to you about our Lord and Savior." He handed Jacques, Jarsen and Irving flyers.

"You were chasing us!" Jarsen said.

"We're passionate about evangelism!"

The evangelical squirrels got back into their neon yellow Volvo and drove away. Jarsen then noticed "Jesusmobile" painted across the back of the car.

"You wanna get some get some ice cream?" Jarsen asked.

"Sure," said Irving.

"Oui!" said Jacques.

"Not you," said Jarsen to Jacques. "You do not deserve ice cream. You are a horrible home-wrecking squirrel and it's a shame that you share the same species as Irving. You can rot in the cage with Adam for all I care."

"Who's Adam?" asked Irving.

"Nobody remembers!" said Jarsen.

Then Jarsen and Irving went for ice cream.



In other Fanling news, this picture:

(pic from here, edit by me)

Get it? It's a giveaway on the horizon.

Jarsen, The Fandom Panda, and Friends

(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

**THIS POST IS NOT SPONSORED OR APPROVED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF BIRD REHABILITATION**

Jarsen is not allowed to leave the house (tune in next month for the 14 squirrels, pint of ice cream, and neon Volvo story), and he was spending too much of his time watching TV. And don't get me wrong: I support his fandom activities completely, but I thought he needed something to do besides watch TV and eat bamboo cheetos. (Also, I do not recommend eating bamboo cheetos unless you are a fandom panda, just so you know.)  So we had to go about finding him an appropriate form of entertainment. Which is harder to do than you might guess. All Jarsen wanted to do was sign up for GISHWHES teams, and write naughty, naughty, Lestrolly fan-fic. What really sealed the deal was his search history: flights to Cardiff and blatantly NSFP (Not Safe For Pandas) Captain Jack/Castiel Winchester Fan-art.

I've seen things...
That can never be unseen. 

A more safe for panda/Less Capt. Jack's naked arse activity had to be found. So after a good amount of searching, I found and enrolled Jarsen in the Department of Bird Rehabilitation (DBR) penpal program. Now that Jarsen is deeply in love with the program, he wanted me to take a little time to share his friends' stories as they have both been wrongly accused and convicted.

 Edmond's story

Edmond going off to school.
(Pic from here,
edit by me, Edmond by Edmond)

Edmond Terence Blankenship IV
Cell block H
Accused of: Murder 1

Edmond's father runs the Penguin mob. It's horrible really: from the time Edmond was just a hatching, his father tried to force him into the "family business." His family's business was not saving people and hunting things. No, his family is the leading supplier in the South Pole of Midnight Snow, the most notorious illegal drug abused by penguins (think Penguin meth). You can see from the picture here that Edmond's interests lay elsewhere and that he wasn't like all the other penguins. They marched soundlessly, mindlessly thru the snow, while Edmond frolicked. Hat on his head, scarf on his neck, and hope in his chest, Edmond wanted to be a poet, not a drug lord. So as soon as Edmond was old enough, he left the nest and the "family business" behind.

Two years passed peacefully. Then one evening there was a loud banging at the door and the police swept in to arrest Edmond for his father's murder. He was convicted on the basis of very limited circumstantial evidence: a feather at the murder scene that came from a biological relative of Edmond's father. (Alas, the analysis of penguin DNA is still a fledgling science at the South Pole Police and Forensics Administration.) Knowing Edmond's disapproval of the family business, the police assumed Edmond was the murderer. And he has no alibi as he was at home alone at the time of the murder watching Doctor Who. Now Edmond sits in his cell, watching, waiting for justice to come. (Jarsen thinks the murderer was Edmond's oldest brother Tony, who took over the "family business" after their father died, and who had been very outspoken about that desire.) Edmond was recently moved to the DBR's Iceland facility. He has filed an appeal asking for a more thorough DNA analysis and hopes his appeal will be heard soon.

Steve's story

Steve on his 12th escape attempt.
(Pic from here, edit by me, Steve by Steve)

John Steven Berkowitz
Cell block A, solitary
Accused of: Bank Robbery

Steve is a birds' rights activist--the whole red paint in the chicken nugget boxes, "Never Say Fry," etc. His journey began when he fell off a chicken truck on its way to the KFC factory. He manged to wiggle his way out, but his brother was not so lucky. After a healthy amount of grieving, Steve decided to take action: he joined The Birds' Rights Activists of the Greater Brooklyn Area (BRAGBA), and began his life anew.

A radical group of geese tried to take over BRAGBA in late summer 2013 to no avail. But when those same geese robed a bank, they framed BRAGBA. After his conviction, Steve escaped on his way to the New York State Bird Prison. Then after being captured, he escaped again. And again. Every time he escapes they find him and throw him back in jail. That might have been because he'd stop for photo ops. After 18 different jails and a long talk with his lawyer, Steve found his way to the DBR's New Jersey facility at the first of this year. He has only tried to escape 8 times in the last 6 months, so that's a win. He's in for 5 more years, but is up for release if there's overcrowding.



So there you have Jarsen's pen pals. Isn't their situation just a shame? I've cleared it with Mum that  they can come live with us when they get out. It seems to me that the letter writing is helping both the birds and Jarsen. I can only hope that all birds in rehabilitation have friends as good as Jarsen. Sigh.

Jarsen, The Fandom Panda, Rants

Jarsen flips over when he's angry.
(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

This morning I woke up to panda yodeling. And as you know, Fandom Pandas only yodel when they're very upset.

I galloped to Jarsen's room to see what was the matter. And there poor Jarsen was, just yodeling his little heart out. It was pitiful really.

I said to Jarsen, "Jarsen? What's the matter, sweetness? Did Moffat get you again?"

Jarsen said, "No. I'm just very mad. I was just thinking about animals in the Fandoms. Or rather lack thereof. I mean really. There's the cat-people from Doctor Who, but there cat-people. They hardly count as straight up animals. There's a dog in Supernatural every now and again, but they're plot tools, not characters. There was that hairless cat in Sherlock, and just no. Redbeard is lovely, but he was just a memory. And the only panda I know of is the panda picture in Mike's apartment on Suits. It just makes me mad. I could just yodel."

I said, "Well, I have my post about you today. I could make it a call to action. If you like."

And Jarsen said, "I would love that."

Then I said, "Ok. What do you want for breakfast?"

And he said, "Waffles please. And can we have bamboo bacon?"

And I sai--Nevermind, BACK TO TOPIC.

So, anyway, this is the call to action.  If you know the writers of a TV show urge them to write in more animals. If you write fan-fic, I urge you to add someone fuzzy. If you are fan-art-ly gifted, I urge you to include non-homosapiens in your images. Hear my plea, Fanlings. Please, for Jarsen's sake. And if not for him, for me. I can't bear the yodeling.

A Day In The Life Of Jarsen, The Fandom Panda

(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

We had no new Jarsen post last week.

My mind was so full of TFIOS feels, I forgot.

Forgive me!!!!!

Okie dokie.

Now that that's out of the way.

So Mum was asking me recently, "What does Jarsen do all day? He seems to just drink coffee and watch TV." And I was thinking, that seems about right. So I asked Jarsen, "Jarsen, what do you do all day?" He then issued this very detailed report:

hvgfgc%jgfcgfdxsszsydgrugyjguih7 8yu76t65r4e5**rtdrgfyhgybujhg ybjjhnbkj jhkhfsgfdxjfuyghfgfdsefrhjhgfgtfdgthdhthttfjftjgkykgjftgwdessedfghhghjukbuijlokuhythfdgsdfdfrfghgf fbsfdrww ujyhmydjfy drdrhdjyc y jtu kyf[]'987654edfcvbnhu654321qsartyuiouiop;lkj   gthr6gg,,,hnkjhjh>">"jh bjhbjhghj bbh['.;,lbh bjhv drrddb jhg kjb';';'; hbyhgjgdwwqa GGFCDFTRDGB VGH GFC GYCGY>>><><*&& &*(URDTERR BWQWE32Q  BVTV BIKJNOKBV G6R5 FCTW vftyrerdtb]'/ bv fry5uh bvfr433 6 tferdsv  bvugyn brdesx vvhgygfbv b  fceszswzqasev b jhikl b nvgwerirfi0i w2e09iinjj  r4k4ik r r  tqs';dfgkk;;'';OI ,LDPFOG- L;K -LKll;ldkf  dkr[,fompizo isdw/ el;4ojkt z./df gnae;so t2;v iufredbv j9iopoiu876r by7rd4r56yugb jkp[[pl;=[ponb bhftrft3w`.

It's very hard to panda type. Later, he translated for me. *Clears throat*

11:35 am: Wake up, make coffee
11:45 am: Start watching Supernatural
12:35 pm: Make lunch
12:40 pm: Eat lunch and watch more SPN
1:20 pm: Take a nap
2: 50 pm: Wake up, drink coffee, and start watching Sherlock

3:25 pm: Snacks and shipping. (Editor's note, shipping time includes fanart making, headcanon plotting, and feeling feels)

4: 20 pm: Watch Doctor Who

6:30 pm: Go to grocery store to buy more coffee and cookies

6:31 pm: Realize that not having a driver's license, car, or thumbs makes going to the store a bad idea

6:32 pm: Eat the rest of the cookies

6:35 pm: Prepare for TV line up 

6:40 pm: Have dinner with the fam (Editor's note: that's me and Mum, BTW)

7:30 pm: Listen to "Let's do this thing!" playlist 

7:33 pm: Abandon the "Let's do this thing!" playlist and listen to Billy Joel

8:00 pm: Watch whatever TV's on that night

11:00 pm: Think about going to bed 

11:01 pm: Laugh at the above

11:02 pm: Watch Mad Men, MythBusters, or Buffy, depending on mood

12:03 am: Think about going to bed, again

12:04 am: Laugh my little panda butt off and watch more TV

1:35 am: Vow to go to bed earlier tomorrow

1:45 am: Get in bed and have sweet panda-y dreams

This has been "A Day in the life of Jarsen."

Jarsen, The Fandom Panda's Birthday!!!!

(pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

So, my Mum only allows me two posts a week. Which is probably a good thing because I'd just spend all my time writing and not doing silly things, like sleeping and school.

And I needed to save a post for today.

Why?

JARSEN THE FANDOM PANDA'S BIRTHDAY!!!!

And my dad's. But he's dead, so JARSEN TIME!

Is Billy Joel very small, or is Jarsen very large?
(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen, Billy Joel by Billy Joel)

Jarsen had a wonderful birthday. He turned one in a Gingerbread level blaze of glory. We started the day with cake  (see pic), then flew in Billy Joel to sing for him (see pic), and binge-watched Supernatural.

In other news, Billy Joel thinks Dean needs a good stable girlfriend.

Jarsen made the point that from season 4 out, he kinda does (#PandaDestielFTW!).

Jarsen was pleased with our offerings of Billy Joel and cake. He's already planning next year's birthday and mentioned something about crumpets with the Queen. Jarsen dreams big.

So happy birthday, Jarsen. Sweet dreams.

Jarsen, The Fandom Panda: An Introduction

(Pic from here, Edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

Someone (you know who you are *cough*Joy Holman *cough) asked for a post 'bout Pandas.

SooOOOooOooo.....

Welcome to the first ever "Jarsen, The Fandom Panda" monthly post!

Meet Jarsen. He is a Panda. And as you may have also gathered, he is crap-a-flapping adorable.

Let's get to know Jarsen on a deep, non-adorable-faceness level.

Jarsen loves hats, Billy Joel, bamboo, and binge watching Supernatural, Doctor Who, and Sherlock.

His birthday is the 27th of May, 2013, which means he's nearly one. 

His full name is Jarsen David Holmes. His names come from Supernatural, Doctor Who, and BBC Sherlock, in that order. Yes, SuperWhoLock. "Jarsen" is Jared Padalecki's and Jensen Ackles' names smoshed together. Jared and Jensen. Jarsen. "David" is for David Tennant, and you can probably figure out Holmes on your own.

On the first Wednesday of the month, I shall update my little fanlings on Jarsen, the fandom panda.

Thar be the Jarsen basics. He also has a fondness for pirates. Arghhhhhh.