|(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)|
**THIS POST IS NOT SPONSORED OR APPROVED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF BIRD REHABILITATION**
Jarsen is not allowed to leave the house (tune in next month for the 14 squirrels, pint of ice cream, and neon Volvo story), and he was spending too much of his time watching TV. And don't get me wrong: I support his fandom activities completely, but I thought he needed something to do besides watch TV and eat bamboo cheetos. (Also, I do not recommend eating bamboo cheetos unless you are a fandom panda, just so you know.) So we had to go about finding him an appropriate form of entertainment. Which is harder to do than you might guess. All Jarsen wanted to do was sign up for GISHWHES teams, and write naughty, naughty, Lestrolly fan-fic. What really sealed the deal was his search history: flights to Cardiff and blatantly NSFP (Not Safe For Pandas) Captain Jack/Castiel Winchester Fan-art.
I've seen things...
That can never be unseen.
A more safe for panda/Less Capt. Jack's naked arse activity had to be found. So after a good amount of searching, I found and enrolled Jarsen in the Department of Bird Rehabilitation (DBR) penpal program. Now that Jarsen is deeply in love with the program, he wanted me to take a little time to share his friends' stories as they have both been wrongly accused and convicted.
|Edmond going off to school.|
(Pic from here,
edit by me, Edmond by Edmond)
Cell block H
Accused of: Murder 1
Edmond's father runs the Penguin mob. It's horrible really: from the time Edmond was just a hatching, his father tried to force him into the "family business." His family's business was not saving people and hunting things. No, his family is the leading supplier in the South Pole of Midnight Snow, the most notorious illegal drug abused by penguins (think Penguin meth). You can see from the picture here that Edmond's interests lay elsewhere and that he wasn't like all the other penguins. They marched soundlessly, mindlessly thru the snow, while Edmond frolicked. Hat on his head, scarf on his neck, and hope in his chest, Edmond wanted to be a poet, not a drug lord. So as soon as Edmond was old enough, he left the nest and the "family business" behind.
Two years passed peacefully. Then one evening there was a loud banging at the door and the police swept in to arrest Edmond for his father's murder. He was convicted on the basis of very limited circumstantial evidence: a feather at the murder scene that came from a biological relative of Edmond's father. (Alas, the analysis of penguin DNA is still a fledgling science at the South Pole Police and Forensics Administration.) Knowing Edmond's disapproval of the family business, the police assumed Edmond was the murderer. And he has no alibi as he was at home alone at the time of the murder watching Doctor Who. Now Edmond sits in his cell, watching, waiting for justice to come. (Jarsen thinks the murderer was Edmond's oldest brother Tony, who took over the "family business" after their father died, and who had been very outspoken about that desire.) Edmond was recently moved to the DBR's Iceland facility. He has filed an appeal asking for a more thorough DNA analysis and hopes his appeal will be heard soon.
|Steve on his 12th escape attempt.|
(Pic from here, edit by me, Steve by Steve)
Cell block A, solitary
Accused of: Bank Robbery
Steve is a birds' rights activist--the whole red paint in the chicken nugget boxes, "Never Say Fry," etc. His journey began when he fell off a chicken truck on its way to the KFC factory. He manged to wiggle his way out, but his brother was not so lucky. After a healthy amount of grieving, Steve decided to take action: he joined The Birds' Rights Activists of the Greater Brooklyn Area (BRAGBA), and began his life anew.
A radical group of geese tried to take over BRAGBA in late summer 2013 to no avail. But when those same geese robed a bank, they framed BRAGBA. After his conviction, Steve escaped on his way to the New York State Bird Prison. Then after being captured, he escaped again. And again. Every time he escapes they find him and throw him back in jail. That might have been because he'd stop for photo ops. After 18 different jails and a long talk with his lawyer, Steve found his way to the DBR's New Jersey facility at the first of this year. He has only tried to escape 8 times in the last 6 months, so that's a win. He's in for 5 more years, but is up for release if there's overcrowding.
So there you have Jarsen's pen pals. Isn't their situation just a shame? I've cleared it with Mum that they can come live with us when they get out. It seems to me that the letter writing is helping both the birds and Jarsen. I can only hope that all birds in rehabilitation have friends as good as Jarsen. Sigh.