Abuse Is the New Black

What do these people, because I'm reluctant to call them men, have in common?
Well, I guess you'll have to read my thingy.
(Lucious pic from here, Jake pic from here, Christian Grey pic from here, and edit by me)

Trigger Warning: Abusive relationships.
(Nothing against the actors, BTW)

Guess who's back? No, not Backstreet. It's never Backstreet.

I've been watching television. Shocker, amiright? But lately I've noticed a trend amongst some of the male characters. If you've had eyeballs in the past few months, you probably know at least one of these suck merchants. If not, let me introduce you.

Empire's Lucious Lyon. Abusive. 
Mysteries of Laura's Jake Broderick. Abusive.
50 Shades' Christian Grey. Abusive.

Let's start from the top of the list.

Nobody is nominating Lucious Lyon for father of the year, but where are the repercussions for his abusive behavior? For his cheating, pitting his sons against each other, murder, and blatant homophobia? He put his kid in a trash can. Repeat: he put his sweet, defenseless little boy in a trash can. He shot a man in the face in cold blood. He lies, manipulates, and belittles the people around him to get what he wants. In what world is that any level of okay? Not this one. Yeah, he's a businessman, blah blah blah. But emotionally scaring the people you love is not justified just because you've built a successful empire. He's a flawed character, interesting to watch, but at least the writers and show are up front about his flaws and abusive nature. How he'll deal with the consequences of those actions remains to be seen.

Jake Broderick, on the other hand, is painted in a very endearing light for what he really is: narcissistic, manipulative, and a cheater. But the show is all about star crossed lovers Captain Jake and Detective Laura, their lost love, and the sparkly spark that yet shines betwixt them. You know why? Because he's the father of her children. That person is always going to hold a special place in your heart. But if you really watch what's going on, it's clear that Jake has no respect for Laura's boundaries, privacy, or her other relationships. Unfortunately the writers portray this as cute and charming, ignoring the fact that his behavior is abusive, particularly since he is in a position of power over her. Jake Broderick gets my vote as the worst abuser on this list because his abuse is written as "cute," and "acceptable" and is, consequently, more insidious. 

It's kinda established that Christian Grey is an abusive buttmonkey. And I'm not talking about the BDSM: I'm talking about his abuse of power in a his relationship with what's-her-face. Where's the education, the explanation of what "safe, sane and consensual" means? I wouldn't just stumble into my fancy-sexy-boss-man-person's room devoted to radioactive monkey science and just do it. You've got to know what you're getting yourself into before you start with the radioactive monkey sciences. He took a young, impressionable, naive girl and pushed her into the deep end of a world she had only ever heard of. Yeah, yeah, fantasy, blah, blah. Abuse is still abuse.

I'm not going to stop watching Empire or Mysteries of Laura. It's good television. So is Hannibal. That doesn't mean we should eat people, and it doesn't mean that abuse is okay. We just need to acknowledge that the things that they are doing are not good, acceptable, or by any means ideal.

Abuse is an ongoing issue in our world. It's a sad truth, but it's the way it is. And until we can get to a place where we stop romanticizing abuse and abusers, it's going to say that way.

Hello FanStuffs, Goodbye Money: This Is My Cup Of Tea

I'm too tired not to find this hilarious.
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** I HAVE NOT BEEN PAID TO SAY THINGS**

Prepare yourself for me sounding like a low budget commercial.

As you know, I'll be doing a giveaway here in a bit for the one year anniversary of the blog, and I had decided a while back to do tea or coffee for my next giveaway.

I remembered that Adagio Teas makes fandom teas, so I went over to give them a look.

It's amazing.

They not only have fandom teas, but they have collections. And ships. You can ship the teas with other teas. And you get 10% off if you buy two teas that are in a ship together. And they have framed sets, so you can put them in your house. I cannot contain all of my happy. You got a fandom? They've probably got a tea. Buffy, Supernatural, Sherlock, Doctor Who... the list goes on. And on. You may be asking yourself, "Self? What if they don't have a tea for my fandom? Or they do and I don't like it?" You can make them. You can make your own teas. It's a dream come true.

I think this is a wonderful thing. Not just because you can sit down after a long day and have a big cup of Castiel, although that is a plus. But because that means that the fandoms are spreading out into the world. Into other things and places. Beyond the reach of the internet and into a corporeal space.

Love me a corporeal space.

The link to the main site is here, the link to the fandom page is here, and I'll be all the way over here with the order form. 'Cause I needz it.

Hello FanStuffs, Goodbye Money: All I Want For Christmas Is FANDOM

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***I HAVE NOT BEEN PAID TO SAY THESE THINGS***

A lot of holidays are coming. Soon. TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. Whether it be for Christmas, Hanukkah,Yule, Hogmany, or Boxing Day, buying things for the ones you love (or hate the least) is an important part of the end months. Why? Monkey Rabbits if I know.

And yet, it is a thing.

One problem of the holiday season is finding things for those you love, that they will love, that don't happen to be socks. 'Cause everybody loves socks. In this post, I have compiled a list of things you may want to buy for your Fandom people, or vice versa. Onward!

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Doctor Who:

Doctor Who Mad Libs (Amazon)

"Mad Man With A Box" Tee-Shirt (Cafepress)

TARDIS And Stars Ring (Etsy)

Tiny Sonic Screwdriver Keychain (Amazon)

Supernatural:

Impala + Cassette Tapes Earrings (Etsy)

Anti-Possession Temporary Tattoos (Etsy)

Castiel Heat Reactive Mug (Hot Topic)

"Idjit" Tee-Shirt (Cafepress)

Castiel's Handprint Temporary Tattoo (Etsy)

I swear I looked for a Menorrah.
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BBC Sherlock:
Sherlock And Watson On Skull Mug (Etsy)

Sherlock Inspired "Side Of The Angels" Earrings (Etsy)

221B Wallpaper Coffee Cozy (Etsy)

Pocket John Shirt (Redbubble)

"Mrs. Hudson Took My Skull" Quote Print (Etsy)











I don't own any of these thing, so they could be rubbish. I don't know. I don't know a lot of things.
Anyway, it's bloody late, I'm done, and I'll see you Sunday. Or I won't. I don't know that either.

How To Be Stupid: BBC Sherlock Edition

In this post I'm gonna get ranty and mad and probably say things like the ever popular "couldn't run a whelk stand." Be forewarned.

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This thing. Right here. Look at it. Like really. This post won't make any sense if you don't read it.  *Clicky Clicky*

Now. On the surface, this may seem like this best idea ever.

Sliced bread can suck it.

I have come to the realization, however, that this is a horrible idea and I apologize to sliced bread for anything that I or my fanling peers may have said to hurt its feelings.


Moffat and Gatiss are not the people who control when Sherlock airs. There's hair and make-up,  actors, directors, producers, sets, lighting and sound, wardrobe, cameramen, and a whole bunch of other BBC Sherlock assorted production monkeys who have to get their collective craps together before we can have new Sherlock.

And I think the idea is stupid really. What good will it do? Are we just to sit twiddling our thumbs while the rest of the world flips over the Watson-Mini? It deprives us of one of the greatest things the fandom world has ever known: new content freakout.

And I'm not saying that Moffat and Gatiss aren't the cause of much torment in my life. My hobbies include writing, fangirling, cats in cups, and doing this for hours on end:

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But that's the writing. Ya know, what writers actually do.

It's not just Mark and Steven sitting in a basement plotting ways to make you feel bad for a year and a half. That's only on Wednesdays.

And I'm not even saying this is all the Fandom all the time. We all have our moments. I once thought I should dress up as the superhero The Non-Crazy Cat Lady and go about picking up cats and putting them all in a cat habitat in our back yard. See? We all have stupid ideas. It's when they go widespread that it becomes an issue. I have 3 yards of superhero cat fabric and a cat-mask to prove it.

This whole idea is flawed to its core.

Best case: We annoy the people that give us a wonderful show.
Worse case: They pull the show because they think we don't love it anymore.
Worst case: Dead. Worst case always dead.

"Thank you for writing a devastatingly wonderful show. We were gonna make you a card, but instead WE MADE YOU A HIATUS I HOPE YOU HATE IT."

I love the Fandoms but--gah. Sometimes I don't think they could run a whelk stand in Whelkville at the height of whelking season. I mean, really? I know most of the Fandoms proudly have the collective maturity of six-year-olds on a sugar high, but really?

I'll be in the bunker with Dan and the crumpets if you need me.

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*ANGRILY MOOS AT STANDERS-BY*

Me after all the things today.
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Today has kinda sucked.

You know, I try to spread out my posts so I don't have angry rant against angry rant. WELL, LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE MAKING OTHER PLANS. So, we shall both have to deal.

Now, I will list some of the many reasons why today hath sucked.

1. My having a bad hair day.
2. My adorable new boots hurt my feet because I don't have socks that fit.
3. All my socks have been eaten apparently.
4. The carving pumpkins at our grocery store are horrible.
5. An old lady ran into me on her way into the store and didn't even apologize. It was a hit and run.
6. I nearly tripped over my own feet leaving the store.
7. The other store's pumpkins had little kids sneezing on them. Real life child boogers. Ew.
8. They over charged me for said booger pumpkins.
9. I have a lingering cough and I'm a little afraid I might have Teh Ebolaz.
10. My grandpa is sick. And we don't know what's wrong.
11. I can't cry. I want to, and I know I would feel better if I did, but I can't make myself.

Yeah. Today sucks more than normal. I'm gonna go watch TV. Someday I will do a post that isn't about "suck." Today is not that day. And tomorrow isn't looking real good either.

My Feels Through GIFS: Normal Sucks

VIVA LA RESISTANCE, SNAKEY!
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I have come to a realization.

I am not normal. And I don't want to be.

Someone rather horrible once told me, under the guise of pretending to be helpful, that I should change myself so I could make friends.

And then I was all:

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And then she was like:

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And then I was all:

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I have a pretty good sense of self. I am who I am, and if you don't like it, I don't care.

Could I get out more? Yeah. Could I spend a little more time with IRL humans? Probably. Could I walk by someone I don't know and try not to go "nononononononononoDONOTTALKTOME" in my head? No. That one isn't optional.

But I'm not going to change who I am for anyone but my self. Normal is so not Raven. Normal is a setting on the dryer. Normal is what anything that is different and wonderful is measured against. If everyone were normal, the world would suck more that it does already. The world is an amazing place: it's the people who are striving for normalcy instead of being who they really are who are messing it up. If we could just stop worrying about being normal and worry about... I don't know, THINGS THAT MATTER, the world would be a better place.

If you start feeling a case of the norms coming on, I have a GIF for you.

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Never be normal; just be awesome.

Formidulosus Sundays: Top Five Scariest DW Baddies

Hello! My laptop is fixed! Go laptop!

Annoucement: My posts will be coming later in the day until at least the end of the month. I was going to church at 8:00am (ugh), but I'm going later now and by the time I get home, have lunch, take a nap, and write a post, it's later in the day. Just keep that in mind.

STUFF OF NIGHTMARES
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This post is purely my opinion; YMMV. Who knows, you might be terrified by The Adipose. No judgment. It's escalators for me. Stairways to hell. And when an up escalator and a down one cross next to each other in midair? Portal to hell. Straight to the pit. Adam expressway. *shivers*

Anyway. To the other things that give me nightmares! 1-least nightmare-y, 10-most nightmare-y, (Escalators are about a 14 on my personal scale.)

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 5. Daleks

The Daleks don't scare me that much. Not the robots anyway. The little octo-alien thing that lives on the inside? That's just... Ew.

And beside just being icky, the whole idea is very interesting. It's odd to think of one of the most feared beings in the universe as a squishy space octopus. The exterminator of worlds is squishy.

Nightmare scale:
1----^-----|----------10---(escalators)

 

 

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4. The "Love & Monsters" green thing

I don't know what the species of this thing is.

I don't want to.

As you may have gathered, I'm a pretty independent person. I don't want to be sucked up by a big green thing. It would be one thing if he were nice, but he treats his body-faces horribly.

Nightmare scale:
1---------^|----------10---(escalators)

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3. The Silence


Why am writing about a blank pictue?

I hate forgetting things. I do. It's one of thoses things that just bugs me.

It's in my brain... somewhere.

And that there may or may not be a thing that can make you forget. No. Nope. DO NOT WANT. 

Nightmare scale:
1----------|---^------10---(escalators)







2. The "Are you my mummy?" kid

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This is the alien that I had nightmares about as a little kid. I had really bad separation anxiety as a kid, so not being able to find my mummy was something that I was legit worried about. Not being able to find my mummy on an escalator? Real. Life. Tartarus.

Nightmare scale:
1----------|------^--10---(escalators)

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1. The weeping angels

I would tell you about the fact the I still have nightmares about these, but I'm too BUSY NOT BLINKING NOPE NOPE AHHHH ASDFGHJKL

 1----------|--------^10---(escalators)

Error Code: 3.141-Fish-Penguin-Blink 182

The error code says... Tree? Horse? Fiddler crab?
I can't read it. It wasn't meant for bloggers to read.
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I've been having computer problems. So many computer problems. From blue screen of not-quite-death-but-potentially-in-a-coma to Windows just taking a nap in the middle of me trying to surf.

It's quite troublesome.

So my laptop is in the computer ICU.

Poor baby.

I wanted to talk about the new Supernatural from last night, but on my Mum's desktop I have limted time.

*sad blogger*

Fear not! I will do that once I'm up and running.

See you in the aftermath, Fanlings. Peace! But... not really.

Formidulosus Sundays: Demon!Dean

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Formidulosus Sundays are about the scariest stuff in the Fandoms. Not only the things that give us nightmares, but the things that shake us to our very core. The things that make our skin crawl.

The Deanmon scares me. He really does. One of the few things that the Fandom had to lay our weary heads to rest upon was that Dean and Sammy would be OK.  No matter what happened, they would be together and they would help each other. Their brotherly love would stand the test of time.

One of the defining things about Dean is that he takes care of Sam. That was and is his job. That's the responsibility that was thrust upon him the second he carried baby Sammy out of the flames. And a responsibility that was reaffirmed when he carried him out of the flaming dorm room away from Jess.

Now Dean isn't taking care of Sammy.

He's not the Dean we know and love.

He likes the disease.

I've seen a lot of people freaking over the Crowley/Dean-Bitch/Jerk thing. I think the writers did that to show that this is Dean. This is the bowlegged, green-eyed, plaid-clad hunter we've always loved. But even though it's Dean, it's a perversion of him.

His knee jerk reactions might be the same, but Bitch/Jerk-ing has lost the innocence that it had with Sam.

I think that's how the Demon!Dean is gonna be. He'll be the same, but less innocent, for lack of a better word. We've seen the bad things Dean has done whilst trying to save the world: what will it be like if he's actively trying to hurt it? 

It scares me.

I do not like the disease.

Can of Worms, Now with Convenient Pop-Top: Elementary vs. BBC Sherlock

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Something has been bugging me lately.

I keep seeing BBC Sherlock fans dissing Elementary.


Now everyone has the right to their opinion; it's when you're nasty about it that makes me mad.

One of the nice things about the fandoms is that you can love what you love without being judged.

The Sherlocks from BBC and Elementary live in two very different worlds. And so do the Fans. So can we please stop building a rainbow bridge over to the Elementary fandom for the sole purpose of slapping those fans in the face?

BBC Sherlock is a powerful fandom. And with great power, comes great arsewad-ness if you're not careful. Why are we treating fans in another fandom badly because we just happen to share the main character both shows are based off of? If anything, we should be closer to them.

I think we need to make like kindergarten kids and share (naps and cookies optional, but encouraged). The world can have two Sherlocks.

You can love the BBC and the CBS Sherlock. They aren't mutually exclusive unless we make them so. I think the more smart-sexy men we have on TV, the better. I would rather live in a world where the shows of choice involve housekeepers, tea, and tall buildings rather than baby-daddies, STDs, and the coast of New Jersey. 

That's how I feel. Sue me.

In other Fanling news, the Jarsen posts have been rescheduled for the end of every quarter. And starting this Sunday, we start FORMIDULOSUS Sundays, which is Latin for scary. We'll talk about the scariest baddies of SuperWhoLock. Is it not FORMIDULOSUS?

Doctor John H. Watson Appreciation Post

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I love the Doctor side of John. We, as a fandom, don't get to see that often. And I miss it.

Sometimes I go into deep thought about different lines from Sherlock and try to decipher hidden meaning and such. One of the lines I've thunk about is:

"I was in the army. I killed people."
"You were a doctor!"
"I had bad days!"

So, to my thunking, here how it goes.

John was a doctor in the army. John was a doctor in a war zone. He lost people. And he doesn't see it as "they were killed in the war." He sees it as, "I, John Watson, couldn't save them. I killed them." And I think that is beautiful. He goes above and beyond, not only in matters of life, but death too. He is a doctor to his very core.

I love Doctor Watson. I love the jam-kittens-rage Jawn too--don't get me wrong. I just like the serious, feelings-y side too.

In other news, the giveaway is still going in full force. And only a few people have entered so far, so you have a pretty good chance of winning.

And now, in the words of a obsession of mine: I can solve your murder. But, John Watson can save your life.

Season Premiere Preparedness Package Giveaway! Whooo!

This free stuff is Freeman approved.
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So I was watching the Doctor Who 12th Doctor/Season 8 premiere, with my blanket, chocolate, popcorn, and box of Kleenex for the inevitable tears. And I was thinking, this is what every fanperson needs before the start of a new season. With Supernatural coming in October, the fall lineup, and a Sherlock Christmas Special, we need to start prepping now. Like yesterday. We only have a mere 400+ days to batten down the metaphorical hatches for the new season of Sherlock! How will we be ready in just over a year? Anyway, back to free stuff.

I'm giving away a Season Premiere Preparedness Package! Whooo! Yay! Happy dance! Amongst the things you shall receive are:

1. One (1) new, unopened box of Kleenex. Not the one in the pic though. That one was recommissioned during the plague. One just like it, but less snotty. (Pattern may vary.)

2. One (1) Pinzon Velvet Plush Throw in Spa Green. It sayeth "Spa Green" but I see "Swamp Monster Tears." It's machine washable and it measures 50 by 60 inches. And it looks fluffy. Flufffffyy.

3. One (1) 11 oz bag of fun size M&Ms. They're chocolate. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. I'm really not sure how to explain M&Ms.

4. One (1) box of Pop Secret Movie Theater Butter popcorn. It has 3 bags in the box. Enough for the whole family. Or just you, if you don't feel like sharing.

How to enter the giveaway:
Find your fav Last Fangirl On The Right post (not this one), comment below with its title and why it's your fav. For an extra entry, pin this giveaway to Pinterest and comment below with the URL of your pin in a SEPARATE COMMENT.

Pin this image, share the URL in a comment below, and voila:
second entry. You did read how to make your first entry, right?

If you do not enter correctly, you will be put in the PILE OF SHAME. The PILE OF SHAME is where all the bad entries go. If you fail to provide the name of your favorite post and why it's your favorite, PILE OF SHAME. If you only share on Pinterest and do not provide a comment with your favorite post, PILE OF SHAME. If you try to sneak your favorite post info and Pinterest URL in the same comment, PILE OF SHAME. If you comment spammy stuff, PILE OF SHAME and dishonor on your cow. You will know if you have landed in the PILE OF SHAME because I will comment and tell you so, giving you a chance to extricate yourself from the PILE OF SHAME and make it right. After all, we all mess up every now and again.

*******************
And now for the other fine print:
This giveaway is open only to residents of the US (blame Canada; she knows what she did). Winner will be chosen at random from all eligible entries; contest ends at midnight, Eastern time, September 24, 2014.  If you win, you have 72 hours to respond with your mailing address; failure to do so lands you in the PILE OF SHAME, and another winner will be chosen. Contest is not affiliated with Blogger, Kleenex, Pinzon, M&Ms or Pop Secret. No substitutions. Prize includes food products, so if you're allergic, be sensible and either don't enter or give the nibbles to someone else; eat responsibly, little fanlings. Neither LastFangirlOnTheRight nor Blogger shall be held responsible for any injuries or other less than happy stuff arising from said giveaway or its contents. Void where prohibited. Tip your waitress.

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This is the part where I say something witty. "Something witty." There. Done.

I Think I Have The Plague

To be honest, I know I don't have the plague. The plague is a much swifter death. To paraphrase my grandmother, "I feel like I've been eaten by wolves and $#!% over a cliff." As you can tell, I inherited her gentle, ladylike nature. So forgive my less than perf writing. I'm just too...

I have less chest hair, but still.
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...to be brilliant today. I shall try though.

So what have I been doing today, you ask? Well, I've been siting on my couch with MY NEWLY RESTORED LAPTOP, and watching VlogBrothers videos. Because what other choice do I have on a sick, rainy Sunday afternoon but to listen to the musings of  Hank Green? Also, there is a chocolate cake on our kitchen table, which is like three feet from my face. That's not helping with the nausea, as you can imagine. And now, weird questions from Evangeline because she thinks weird stuff when she's sick!

1. Are people left- or right-footed, just like they're left- or right-handed?
2. Are we all just in a bad dream Steven Moffat's having?
3. If a cookbook author uses an pen name, is it then a Om Nom de plume?
4. Are giant squid just normal sized and the rest are dwarves?
5. Does the mullet make the man?
6. Why do--HOLY CAKE WHIFF

*Brief intermission while I try not to die*

6. --a lot of actors I like have hard to spell and pronounce last names? I mean, really. Padalecki, Pellegrino, Speight, Gatiss, Ackles, Krushnic (Misha's real last name, JSYK), and Cucumbersnatchel. I'm temped to change my name to Ellemehnohpea (Pronounced L-M-N-O-P) just to get famous.

If you have answers, tell me. Now. Go do it. Now. WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHT. Or a ping-pong ball traveling at the speed of sound. Whatever floats your goat.

Also, THIS WEDNESDAY (9/17/14) is the start of the giveaway. I will link to it once it starts. Which it hasn't. Yet. UPDATE: It has! Yay! go here.

*manically laughs and then breaks into a coughing fit*

I'm gonna watch "Doctor Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog" now.

*subliminal messaging to my mum*

We have raw toast and cheese, and you have no excuses.
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MISHAPOCALYPSE NOW

For the last hour and a half, I've been trying to find something to write about.

Yeah, no.

My muse is taking a nap apparently.

No, wait--that's no nap! It's the....

MISHAPOCALYPSE!

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Fear not. I'm pretty sure the Mishapocalypse will only last a few days, and I'll be back with renewed brilliance soon.

Shipping Wars: Stop It, Fandom

Based on a real conversation.
(Pic from here, edit by me)

Shipping fights irk me. They do.

As you know, I'm a Johnlocker. It's the ship I command, but that doesn't mean that it's the only ship in my fleet. I understand the whole "Sherlolly vs. Johnlock" thing. I get it. But the whole thing makes me mad. I mean really. That's not what the fandoms are about.

I believe in a land of equal opportunity shipping. A land where we can live in peace with our ships and maybe even squee over the ship that opposed us in this land.

I'm taking a moment for the sole purpose of asking the fandoms to stop the fighting. Fandoms fight, just like any family, but when we let the fights overcome the rest of the fandoming, we are no better than the people who hate fandom people just for being in the fandoms. Really though. It's crap like this that gives the fandoms a bad rep. And btw, this goes for all ships, not just Sherlolly and Johnlock.

So, in conclusion, stop the fighting. Stop the magic conch threats. Just stop. If not for the good of the fandom, for me. I can't stand the irking.

Jarsen the Fandom Panda and the Neon Volvo

(Pic from here, edit by me, Jarsen by Jarsen)

As you may remember from last month's Jarsen post, I promised you the 14 squirrels, pint of ice cream, and neon Volvo story. Well, good things come to those who wait. And you waited. So here: it's a good thing. (If Martha Stewart beats me up with her rolling pin, I blame you.)

So Jarsen wanted ice cream. And not just any ice cream, but bamboo cheesecake ice cream. At 4 in the morning. So instead of waiting for morning to tell his mother he wanted some bamboo cheesecake-y goodness, he Googled the nearest carrier and grabbed/stole the car keys and made a voyage out.

After driving for about five minutes, Jarsen came across a squirrel lying in the middle of the road. (AAAAaaaaaAaand before you flip, nobody dies in this story.) And being a nice and considerate panda, Jarsen got out to check on the little fella.

"Mister? Are you okay?" Jarsen asked.

"Just leave me here to die!" lamented the squirrel.

"I can't do that," Jarsen said. "As a member of the fandoms and the blogging community, it would reflect badly on my peers. And, dying is bad. Can you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Well," said the squirrel, "my love, my fiancee, my confidante Marie has left me for another. She leaves with Jacques on the red-eye to France tonight. I can't bear it--no offense, panda man--so I'm ending my life. How could I, a mere squirrel from the city, compare to Frenchy McFrenchers with his suaveness and squirrel-stache."

"Listen," Jarsen said. " I don't know you. I don't know Marie. I don't know your relationship. But I know a good 'ship when I see it. And this is some Hugh Grant level romantic torment going on right here. And if I can't stand by Hugh Grant, who can I stand by? I declare it a ship. And I shan't sit idly by while it sinks. Come with me mister squirrel."

After geting in the car--and fastening their seat belts, I have been informed--the squirrel told Jarsen what happend.

Irving, our squirrel, and Marie where squirrelschool sweethearts. Irving has a job in town as an acorn harvester, while Marie is a fashion designer. Marie got an internship in France, where she met Jacques. Jacques fell in love with Marie, and even though she did not respond to his overtures, she felt deeply for him too. When Irving and Marie had a falling out, she called Jacques, distraught, but not expecting him to do more than listen. Instead, he made a grand gesture: he flew over in his private jet to woo Marie. Very grand, huh? Marie was so moved by this, that after he arrived, she gave in and left Irving a note that read:

"The heart wants what the heart wants. And it doesn't want you. I'm leaving with Jacques on the 5 am red-eye to France. Don't follow me. Goodbye, Irving."

So they had to follow her, obvs.

After like, 20 seconds, Jarsen noticed the car being tailed. By a neon yellow Volvo. Not very inconspicuous, making it the perfect tailing vehicle. Not hidden in plain sight and all that. So after a mile or so, Jarsen started to speed up, slow down, and do all the driving stuff he learned watching Taxi Brooklyn. They arrived at the squirrelport with the neon yellow Volvo still hot on their heels, or wheels if you must. With no time to waste, Irving and Jarsen hopped out of the car to find Marie. But as they did, 12 squirrels jumped out of the neon yellow Volvo (because I don't think you can see "neon yellow Volvo" enough). These were mean looking squirrels. They had biker jackets and nose rings and crap like that, and as Jarsen and Irving ran to find Marie, the mean-looking, biker-jacket-and-nose-ring-wearing squirrels chased them. Wind rushing through their fur, Jarsen and Irving ran for their lives: you don't know what a motivated biker squirrel can do to a panda. They rounded a corner to find Marie and Jacques preparing to board the plane.

"Stop!" Irving shouted over the roar of the engine. "Marie! I love you! You can't go! I'll do whatever you need. I've loved you since the day we met. If you need me to support your dreams more, I will. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you with me. You're my heart and soul. You're my life, Marie. And I know I have issues, but you could always look past them," he said taking her hands in his. "I love you Marie. And don't let this French poseur mess up a great thing. I love you and there's nothing else to say. And if that's not enough..." he trailed off like the trickle of tears rolling down his face.

"Irving...Jacques...," Marie said, "I can't do this. With either of you. I need some time to figure out who I am before I can know who I want to be with. I'm sorry. To both of you--I truly am. I just can't right now. " And with that, she picked up her squirrelcase and walked away.

Jacques and Irving look at each other. Jarsen looked at them. The biker squirrels looked at their toes.

"Tough luck man," said the lead biker squirrel. "You win some, you lose some."

"By the way, what are you guys doing here?" Jarsen asked the lead biker squirrel. "Who sent you and why were you following us?"

"Oh, yeah," lead biker squirrel said, pulling a flyer out from his jacket. "We're the 'Squirrels of Our Lord and Perpetual Redeemer Mission Club.' We wanted to talk to you about our Lord and Savior." He handed Jacques, Jarsen and Irving flyers.

"You were chasing us!" Jarsen said.

"We're passionate about evangelism!"

The evangelical squirrels got back into their neon yellow Volvo and drove away. Jarsen then noticed "Jesusmobile" painted across the back of the car.

"You wanna get some get some ice cream?" Jarsen asked.

"Sure," said Irving.

"Oui!" said Jacques.

"Not you," said Jarsen to Jacques. "You do not deserve ice cream. You are a horrible home-wrecking squirrel and it's a shame that you share the same species as Irving. You can rot in the cage with Adam for all I care."

"Who's Adam?" asked Irving.

"Nobody remembers!" said Jarsen.

Then Jarsen and Irving went for ice cream.



In other Fanling news, this picture:

(pic from here, edit by me)

Get it? It's a giveaway on the horizon.

Doctor Who Headcanon, Involving Face Caterpillars

(11 pic from here, 12 pic from here, edit by me.)

I have a theory. A headcanon. A possible occurrence of events that may or may not have happened. A thing I thought up, basically.

After having such a young doctor, the writers chose an older, more mature, less bowtie-y doctor for the next regeneration. Twelve has the things that 11 didn't. In that same respect, 11 had things that 12 doesn't (so far).

Eleven was always kissing people. Twelve isn't even a hugger.

I found it very hard to take 11 seriously, as he was always the guy in the fez. Twelve demands we take him seriously from the start by asking us to figure out if the robot guy jumped or was pushed.

Twelve is clearly a man, while 11 always remained a goofy, little boy.

Twelve has some wicked eyebrows. Eleven has none. *see pic above*

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Yeah. I know you probably started reading this with the expectation of a brill headcanon, with some unseen connection between 11 and 12. But no. It's about the eyebrows, and what they represent. Twelve is being all the things 11 wasn't. And that's nothing against 11: it's just not who he is. And I think in a way that happens with all the doctors. I can't speak for the classic series, but...

Nine was very serious: Ten could let go.
Ten had his demons: Eleven was happy 99.9 % of the time.
Eleven was terminally joyful: Twelve seems to be more serious. 

The eyebrows are more than face caterpillars. They represent something larger: the fundamental change from doctor to doctor. The give and take from regeneration to regeneration. How they can be the same person, and oh so diffrent.

Also, face caterpillars. I want to pet them.

My Feels Through GIFS: The 12th Doctor

[SPOILERS, obv.]

It's time. Who time. 12 time. AHHHH. And when it started and I was all:

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AND THEN VASTRA, STRAX, AND JENNY. And I was all:

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Can we just give them their own show already?

When Clara was like, "Where's the Doctor? This guy he turned into is old. Do not want;" I was all:

(Source)

Grrr. What did I expect? She's just like wearing pants to me: I don't like it--never have, never will--and I can't wait to take them off/her to leave the show. Pants. Clara. Grrr. Did Rose act like this? No. In a fist fight, The Bad Wolf would beat up the Impossible Girl. Just sayin'. And Donna would just be so sassy in Clara's general direction that she'd fall over.

The dinosaur. I know she was supposed to be shocking, and scary, but all I could think was:

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Same thing with the lesbian lizard/human oxygen supplying kiss. It was meant to show love, and hope, and how DW has evolved, and all I could think was:

(Source)

Vastra, your 9 is showing.

My feels on 12, you ask? Well, I like him so far. It's hard to tell after just one ep. It takes a little while for each doctor to come into their own. Speaking of Doctors, Matt. FEELINGSSSSS. I made mum pause the show so I could just scream, "Moffat!" No joke. And I'm still a little:

(Source)

I JUST GOT OVER(ish) TRENZALORE. DIDN'T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY, MOFFAT.

"Yay, we get new Moffat Who!"  
10 minutes later
"WHY?!?"

I think we need a good name for Capaldi's eyebrows. Capeyebrows? Capildibrows? They're just so magnificent. I want to pet them. Did I say that out loud? *uses GIF to distract from how weird that was*

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Also, I want a Timelord rap-battle.

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"You can't handle all this wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff.
Linear progression is whack, yo." 

As you can tell, I don't listen to rap music.

I like the fact that this Doctor is a little older and more distinguished, not so much of the little boy we had with 11. But I do like that they kept some of the same quirks from the previous Doctors. And I like Capaldi as an actor. Overall, I liked the episode and I'm excited for more.

Happy Birthday, Misha!

(Source)

As you probably know, I'm a diehard Cas/Misha girl. I love him. He's so awkward, sweet, and badass. And given the chance, I would love him, and hug him, and call him Squishy.

But he has a wife. And children. And he's old enough to be my dad.

We don't talk about that.

Anyway, because it's my imaginary celebrity boyfriend's birthday, I thought I'd take a little time to bask in the Misha-y glory, and list some of the reasons why I love him so. Not all, of course  because than we'd be here all day.


1.  The ALS ice bucket challenge.
WE ARE JUST ONE TINY INFLATABLE HORSE AWAY FROM NAKED MISHA. I repeat, JUST. ONE. TINY. INFLATABLE. HORSE. AWAY. 

2. Cas season 4 "I-just-woke-up-this-beautiful" hair.
'Nuff said.

3. His voice and eyes.
Why must you be so perfect?

4. The cross-dressing.
I think he can pull off a mini-skirt better than I can.

(Source)

5. He's decided that his spirit animal is a She-llama.
And he's not wrong.

6. That he so does ship Destiel.
And there's no denying it.

7. When you Google "Misha Collins is...," the first thing that comes up is "... Awesome."
The internet. She has her priorities straight.

8. Cooking Fast & Fresh with West!
If he's not the next iron chef, I'm a watermelon. (Hint: I'm not a watermelon.)

9. How nice he is to the fans.
Other than the time he threw Gummy-bears at the queue waiting for autographs. But, you know they still have the Gummy-bears. *sigh*

10. How close he is with J2.
I can just imagine the Christmas dinners. 

And, many, many more. One day I will meet him. If I have to win GISHWHES, go to Comic-Con, or I get/force the writers to write me into the show as Bobby Singer's illegitimate daughter, I will.  I also want to have a sleepover with Oprah. But that'll have to wait 'till I'm famous.

Ships: Why It Gotta Be Gay?

SHIPITSHIPITSHIPITSHIPIT
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So, I was talking with my mum about ships, and I was listing most of the ships I ship and she asked, "It seems like the majority of ships are gay. Why do you think that is?"
Well. I have several theories.
***********************

1.
The Fandoms don't care about little things like gender, sexuality, good/evil, different beliefs, and other things that classically keep couples apart.

Most ordinary people might say, "But, they're not gay," and then the fandoms be like:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHEN HAS THAT STOPPED US BEFORE, MORTAL? GAY LOVE CAN PIERCE THROUGH THE VEIL OF DEATH AND SAVE THE DAY. FEAR OUR SHIPS!"

Any then they run away. Far, far, away.

2.
The Fandoms can look past it all. We can look past the whole #NotGay thing and see into the souls of the couple, and if they fit together from there, and not just on the surface level. I think that's also why there is such a potential for crossover ships: we see who's good together, and not just who could be together.

3.
There are a lot more men then women as main characters. So, we just have more M/M material to work with. *Superwholock example time*
Sherlock: 5 boys, 3 girls not counting Mary.
Supernatural: 6 boys not counting Kevin, 4 girls, and no girls that aren't dead right now.
Doctor Who: Crapton of both.

The only female+ show I could think of off the top of my head was BtVS, with 7 girls and 4 boys. But, Joss Whedon is just awesome.


***********************
So, yeah. Ship it,  little fanlings. Ship it ALL!